still feelin it

I still feel a little like I’m not quite myself. I have reentered libraryland slowly since my sister passed away, my latest visit (to OCLC) another round of audible, tangible extensions of support from my colleagues there. I love it, I’m so grateful; it’s also hard. One of the hardest things for me to track during this time is who I have talked to, what I have on my project list, and within what schedule I am working on them. Similarly, I can’t always remember how to behave, or should I say, how I “normally” behave, when I’m talking and working with those I see and interact with daily. The only way to describe it really is that I still feel a little like I’m walking through jello, or at least an intense fog, just about all the time.

Meanwhile, when things happen, big things, sometimes I react strongly, more strongly than usual, like when my friend and colleague Liz Kellison announced she was leaving WJ for fantastic new job at the Gates Foundation. I burst into tears on the spot and had to leave work for the rest of the day. And then other times I don’t react at all, like when my friend and mentor Marilyn Mason announced she was retiring. I just sat there and looked at her. I think we talked about her grandkids. Either way, it’s just not like me, and it makes me feel highly abstracted from myself and my work experiences.

Why am I saying all this? Well, today was one of those days. We implemented a major reorg, the first time I’ve been through anything like it, at WebJunction this week and although I am very certain that we did the right things and that we did them the best possible way and I’m even proud of the entire team for the thoughtful input and care literally *everyone* put into the process, I still feel, well, sort of numb.

But wouldn’t you know it. Something saved the day.

First, the background. I posted this sweet little post over at BlogJunction about shoes and community building (what else!):

blogjunction

Second, I noticed this delightful little comment (but thought to myself ‘hm. wonder what they mean by that):

shoes

Third, today, I finally click the link to find this perfect little online community gift:

shoes

And so I leave my desk tonight with a smile on my face and a big old thank you to library land.